Maverick Mum

From Overwhelmed and Lost to Strong and Confident. Here’s My Journey to Becoming a Happy Mum…

Breaking point

On a frosty January morning, staring out of the kitchen window with my coffee fix in my hand and a desperate, worried mind full of guilt, I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was an imposter. That is when this all began. Nine years ago, one morning, in Somerset.

Habitually comparing myself to other mothers, trying desperately to live up to society's expectations of a ‘good mother’, I felt overwhelmed, judged and lost. I felt like I was doing a really shit job of being a mum and I was confused as to why. A beautiful daughter, a home, a career; was it all a façade?

I woke up every morning with a heavy heart, dreading the day ahead. I was going through the motions of life, but I was really only in survival mode. There was no joy. My social anxiety had reached breaking point, leaving me feeling disconnected from those I loved most - my 3 year old daughter Mia, my husband James, and my two cocker spaniels. I would catch myself shouting at them all in the mornings, then feel guilty all day, desperate for 7pm, when I could have a glass of wine to numb the pain.

I would walk my daughter to school, feeling the anxiety rise, hoping nobody in the playground would talk to me, and by the time I returned home I would have convinced myself that all the other mums hated me and that my husband was going to leave me. I couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror; I didn't like or recognise the person staring back at me

Everyday was just rinse and repeat, and each night as I lay awake for hours, I longed for the constant negative self-talk to stop and to feel comfortable in my own skin once more. Somehow, along the journey to this ‘grown up’ life, I had given up my passions and stopped being true to myself. I had, I realised, lost my identity and my confidence. I used to be a traveller, an adventurer, a lover of life. Where had I gone?

Accepting I needed help

I tried therapy and antidepressants, but they didn't provide the long-term solutions I needed. Then, late one night, while mindlessly scrolling, I came across a sponsored social media post that simply resonated with me. From that I sought further help and started seeing a holistic health and lifestyle coach. Meeting her was the start of a difficult six month journey where I gradually learned tools to manage my anxiety and, importantly, started being much kinder to myself.

Finding me again

It wasn't until the sudden passing of my father in 2016 that I truly realised the fragility of life. I wanted to make my dad proud, by living my dreams and finding my way back to my true self. The adventurer, the woman of passion. So, with the encouragement of my husband, I packed my bags and took a trip to an elephant conservation project in Namibia. There, under the great open skies of Africa, away from the self-judgement and enough stillness to listen to my heart, I realised that real happiness comes, simply, from being true to oneself.

Permission to do it my way

I returned home a changed person. I let go of the guilt and expectations and I promised to be the mother my daughter needed. I realised that every parent should feel free to do it their way, so I gave myself permission to do just that, and I decided to rewrite my own story. I forgave myself for the past and embraced the person I am today.

And so for the last few years I have been on quite the journey! I have had many coaches and tried multiple forms of therapy and different tools to support me. I have challenged myself and pushed myself out of my comfort zone frequently, I have made time for myself, had fun, traveled and volunteered (a lot!) I changed my work, I sadly separated from my husband, sold my house, decluttered… the list goes on!

More recenlty I re-trained as a yoga teacher, a paddle board instructor, a field (safari) guide in Africa and a meditation teacher, open water swim coach, got remarried, became step-mum to two boys, and had another baby (Savannah Joy).

And now, I help other mums do the same. By making positive choices and prioritising what makes you and your family happy, you can rediscover your true self and navigate motherhood's physical, emotional, and social changes. You can be spontaneous and follow the calling in your heart.

I'm passionate about supporting and empowering mums on their journeys, and I've been there. I understand the challenges and obstacles, but also know the rewards of becoming a strong, confident, and happy mum.

Let’s Talk!