All that you have is your soul

Tracey Chapman was part of the 'soundtrack' to my childhood and just one of the many fantastic and moving musicians my parents loved. Two years ago now we lost our dad and we (I have 2 sisters) take some small comfort in listening to the music he loved, and that we now love. We often share songs we think of with one another and one of these songs was Tracey Chapman's 'All that you have is your soul' - not one I have played a great deal previously, but since that night I have listened to it over and over. It's a beautiful song, and it's meaning fascinated me, and really got me thinking...

I guess as with all creative things, it's open to interpretation, but I think it's about living your life, but staying true to yourself - a topic that's very front of mind for me at the moment. Tracey Chapman is a fantasic songwriter, and this song speaks of honesty, justice and what really matters in life. For most people their cause of pain is not being or knowing themself. This is about self awareness and knowing who the hell you are, then being true to that and putting it out there without fear of judgement (not easy right?!).

Don't be tempted by the shiny apple
Don't you eat of a bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth
'Cause all that you have is your soul

As someone who has struggled for many years with social anxiety this is well out of my comfort zone and scares me, but also I believe it's the only way I will ever be truly happy. When I think about people I really admire, people who inspire me, they are generally strong women, who know what they're all about and seem completely comfortable in their own skin. Women who talk passionately about the things they care deeply about and strive to make change for themsleves, their family and for others.

With the rise of mummy bloggers, Instamums and microinfluencers I follow many of these empowered women in absolute awe of their confidence. There is a great deal of talk currently arround imposter syndrome, FOMO and constant comparison. Is it any wander that as a nation we are becoming inceasingly dissatisfied and ultimately unhappy people? I believe this 'epidemic' has a great deal to do with the digital age we live in. There are of course many benefits to digital, to social, blogs, apps - all this knowledge we have at our fingertips. We have never been so well connected, yet disconnected at the same time!

In the words of Jay Shetty (a very cool ex-monk who produces some great, video content that really gets you thinking)...

"We convince ourselves technology is helping, the reality is people don't seem enough for us these days. We condense books into articles, into lists, into GIFs, because who has time to read an actual sentance anymore?

We're more anxious than any generation before us, yet we keep downloading another app hoping it will fix us."

I am extremely guilty of this, and in all honesty didn't really realise until today just how much I literally gorge content, it's like an addiction. I listen to podcasts, blinklists, read blogs, Instagram and Facebook posts, watch video, all because I am searching for ways to improve myself, my happiness, my realtionships my parenting, my mental health. Constantly taking advice from strangers as the truth and comparing myself to them, searching for the meaning of life, searching for fulfillment.

"In a world with so much information are somehow missing the wisdom of life?"

"Life without multitasking feels inefficient."...

this point also particulalry spoke to me. I literally listen to podcasts while getting ready or even while working, trying to learn MORE, do MORE, I struggle to focus on one thing and become overwhelmed always thinking there is a better way, a better me! I fill EVERY second of my day with something I deem to be useful, thinking that will cure the emptiness. My 'relaxing' is always an activity - running, writing, reading . I find it impossible to do 'nothing' - it seems such as waste of time if I am not achieveing something, bettering myself in some way.

"We don't know who we want to be because we are too distracted by everyone else."

"Starve your distractions, feed your focus. You can't do the big things if you're always distracted by the small ones."

Maybe this perspective can help me to take stock of what's really important in life. If I ask myslef 'what will I really care about at the end of my life?' it won't be how big my house was, how many followers I had on Instagram, how pretty I was, even how sucessful I was. Life is not a populartity contest. It will be, did I have good relationships, have a made a contribution to the world, does my life have meaning, have I lived a happy life?

The most common regret of dying people is unfullfilled dreams, and this is my greatest fear. I do not want to be thinking 'I wish I had the courage to live true to myself, not the life others expected of me.' I do not want to have unfullfilled dreams.

Just be you...

Here’s what pops into my head when I think about being true to yourself — integrity, beliefs, personal values, honesty, sincerity, unwavering principles, being complete, authentic, living by what is and what is not acceptable to you, morals, ethics, right and wrong, honor, not being false, truth...

This is what I want for myself, but even more than that this is what I want for my daugher. It starts with truly knowing who I am and accepting myself; knowing my strengths, passions, limitations and purpose in life and then living that way all the time.

'If you want to be happy, you must be true to who you are.'

I need to figure out what defines me, and what makes me whole.

All that you have, is your soul.